| The new year is a good year :) |
[09 Jan 2006|06:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ani Difranco - Here for Now |
] |
I know already that this year is going to be incredibly in so many ways. And I think it's always a good thing when you have a positive outlook on the year ahead in just the first week.
Well, I started school on the 2nd and I LOVE it! It's been excactly a week now and I'm seriously so excited to go to school everyday. Now, of course like everything else I'm sure I'll eventually settle into it and I'll have those days where I just have to drag myself out of bed to get ready in the morning, but I'm so happy I decided to go to Cosmetology school. I think I'll be very happy doing this.
And just for balance, as I have started something I've also quit something. My New Years Resolution was to quit smoking and, by-golly, I've actually managed to do it (so far)!! But I mean this is serious this time. I don't know what did it... I mean, I really took new years as a time to really do something different with my life. To really stick to something and make a big change for good. So since New Years Eve I've had about 3 or 4 cigarettes. Coming from smoking 1/2 a pack a day, that's just about as good as stopping cold-turkey. I'm quite proud of myself. School has been a helpful distraction and now that I'm down to only 3 days a week at Mary's (and all 3 are busy nights so I don't even have time for smoke breaks), it hasn't been so hard. I don't even want to smoke anymore. Not when I'm driving, not after I eat, not after sex, not when people smoke around me, NEVER! I think it also helped that my friend, Doctor Jake (who works in cardiology), used some good-ol' scare tactics on me and made me realize that heart disease could TOTALLY hit me tomorrow... and we don't want that.
Also, if we get approved Trent and I are moving in together in about a month. The apartment we're holding is available February 10th. By then we'll have been together 6 months, so I don't think I'm rushing things. On top of that, we're together ALL the time and usually stay at one or the other's house almost every night. He wants to get out of where he's living because it's far away, traffic is a fucking nightmare no matter what time of the day, and his roommate and her dog are dispicable creatures. I also really wanna get out and I want to be able to have more time with him.
Oh, and it REALLY had to talk my mom down from the ceiling when I told her after school today. But surprisingly I was able to! I feel like I'm finally an adult. I think what did it was when she bitched at me about various things having to do with it and then eventually just said "no" and I counterred with "Ya know, I didn't bring this up to ask you if I could do it, I brought it up so I could tell you what I wanted to do and to hopefully have your support." Finally she gave in and decided maybe it was time to "cut the cord", haha.
Anyway, besides all that life is generally going pretty swell. The money situation is steady and happy and I'm so ready to make this move and be a "big boy". Wish me luck and cross your fingers, though I think I'll do just fine if you don't :)
Love you til then,
+Hayden
|
|
| The Christmas Goodies post |
[27 Dec 2005|01:49pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lady Sovereign - The Battle |
] |
I hope I remember everything... I made a fucking HAUL this year. But I guess that's what happens when A) your parents buy your brother a new computer and have to make up the difference for you, B) your mom wins lots and lots of money at the casinos in the month of December, and C) you worry more about GIVING than REVIECING (no, seriously!)
... $500 cash
... $100 A/X gift cert
... $140 Express gift certs
... $25 Starucks gift cert
... $25 Coldstone gift certs
... $100 Zara gift certs
... $50 massage gift cert.
... "Cuffs of Love" i.d. Bracelet
... haut 5.0 megapixels digital camera
... seasons 2, 3, and 4 Will & Grace
... season 5 AbFab
... Marilyn Manson's Guns, God, and Government Tour DVD
... Moulin Rouge
... Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
... cute black dress shirt
... Hot Chocolate/Latte maker
... Tori Amos - The Beekeeper
... My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge
... Britney Spears - B in the Mix (the remixes)
... Lindsay Lohan - A Little More Personal
... Gavin Degraw - Chariot
... Madonna - COnfessions on a Dance Floor
... Blowdryer
... Flatiron
... New camera cell phone
Hmm, I think that's about it. If it's not, it's ENOUGH! Yes, I got completely utterly spoiled this year. And I would like to thank the Skyline Casino and Sunset Station casino.
|
|
| My Interview |
[11 Dec 2005|08:05pm] |
Here are the rules:
1 -- Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 -- I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 -- You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 -- You'll include this explanation.
5 -- You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
Here is what ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) so_witty asked me:
1. What's the best thing that has happened to you this week?
Since it's only Sunday, I'll go with last week...: this is kind of boring I guess, but exciting and very promising for me. Last week I FINALLY registered for Cosmetology school. So that's good I guess. It's the beginning of a fantastical and interesting future for me :)
2. If you could gain ONE talent/skill that you do not currently posess, what would you choose and why?
Well, after my recent stab at karaoke (and horrible failure at it), I really wish I could sing. Hahaha, 3 years of choir in school and I sound like shit. Well, I mean it's not that bad but it's definitely nothing to be proud of or to brag about. I really envy my friends who have great voices, like Shiela who hosts Karaoke, and my friend Justin. But I guess I'll leave that to them... I can lip sync better than both of them combined ;)
3. Name your biggest pet peeve and explain why it annoys you so much.
MOUTH NOISES!!! I don't know what it is but it disgusts me more than anything else in the entire world!! By "mouth noises" I mean like when you can hear people making out or when people chew with their mouths open. I think there's a difference when I can actually see it in front of me and also hear it... but if it's happening right over my shoulder or something and I can only hear it, it makes me want to scream.
4. What CD/song would you recommend to the world right now & why?
Goddamnit Beke Bar, why would you ask me this? You know I can't pick one. But I'll keep it to a minimum.
Since I'm re-obsessed with RENT I would have to recommend the songs:
"I'll Cover You", both the regular song and the reprise.
and "Another Day" just for the way Mimi sings "There's only us... only tonight"
And the CDs:
Etraordinary Machine by Fiona Apple, of course
and Fatherfucker by Peaches ("Operate" is fucking cool is hell)
Oh that's it, now who wants an interview!?
|
|
| A quick update |
[09 Dec 2005|01:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
RENT in my head |
] |
I'm so infrequent with this thing... though I just know everyone is on pins and needles to know whats going on in my life. I'll try to cover the most important parts:]
I'm starting Cosmetology school at Euphoria Institute on Jan. 2nd. I'm sooooo incredibly excited that I'm finally doing it.
I'm just about read for Christmas. I've bought for Mom, John, Trent, and my cousin Emily. All that's left is my Dad's gift and doing the greeting cards thing. I love it though... started wrapping today, actually.
Trent and I are great. When we first started dating I said "I've never fought so much with anyone in my life... i love it!" It's true, but if you really think about it, it's a good thing. I think relationships work much better when there's an element of growth. Putting two people together who are "perfect" for each other is boring! Yes, Trent and I fight and bitch and even scream and yell at each other sometimes, but over the past 4 months both of us have changed SO much, all for the better. We focus each other, we keep each other level-headed, we keep each other going. I love that man :)
Umm, I'm getting a haircut Monday before Brian's party. Trent is coming to the party with me, which we had a little argument about tonight but it's all good. I'm glad they will meet each other so that (a) Brian can dismiss his preconcieved notions about Trent and stop thinking he's "bad for me", and (b) Trent can really see that we ARE just great friends and our relationship is truly in the past.
Performed at KRAVE on Monday night. It was hot, except the fucking DJ and/or hostess accidentally thought I was done and cut my first number short. BUT Jina taped my performances so if I like them I'll try to upload one or more.
Hopefully Euphoria salon will hire me for the front desk. I'm hating Mary's and want to completely overhaul my life when school starts. Like Sheryl Crow said, a change would do me good.
Going to bed.
Love you til then-
+Hayden
|
|
| New pictures from my last show and other knick-knacks! |
[01 Dec 2005|07:31pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Missy E - Beep Me 911 |
] |
My newest number, "You Spin Me Right Round"... inspired slightly by the fabulous Pete Burns .
Yeah I made that choker... well, my mom sewed it but I designed/rhinestoned it. And yes, that's a track of platinum blond weave sewn in there. Loves it :)
In other news, Ross and I saw Fiona Apple at House of Blues last night. Oh god, I was speechless. Hands down, she is the best performer I have ever seen live.
She is so incredibly passionate about her music. Between songs she was perfectly normal and cool... she got freaked out when she saw herself on the TVs around the bar and whatnot. She wasn't TOO talkative, but was still very normal.
But let me tell you, when she started singing it was a totally different story. If it was an angry song (which most were), it just seemed like she was reliving all the pain/anger she felt when she wrote the song. She was grabbing her skirt and swinging her arms in total frustration. I think she almost started crying a few times, as did I.
It was amazing...
For those of you who care, here is a completely unordered setlist (from what I can rememeber):
To Your Love
On the Bound
Limp
Fast As you Can
Sleep To Dream
Red Red Red
Oh Well (almost cried)
I Know (almost cried again)
Get Gone (almost cried AGAIN)
O' Sailor
Shadowboxer (fabulous live)
Paper Bag
Get Him Back
Better Version of Me
Tymps
Not About Love
Encore:
Extraordinary Machine
Criminal
Parting Gift (only song that was just her + piano, and was incredible)
Looooong ass concert, but I would've loved it if she just played each album through and did a bunch of covers to mix it up. I could've watched her play all night. Definitely got my moneys worth!
That is all.
Love you til then-
+Hayden
|
|
| Tag you're it! |
[29 Nov 2005|01:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Madonna - Secret |
] |
List 5 of your idiocyncricies and then tag 5 of your friends to do the same:
1) I have to dance if I'm singing... and if I'm dancing I'm usually either singer or lip syncing.
2) I always have to sleep in underwear... nothing more, nothing less, no matter the temperature in the room.
3) I can't do anything or an extended period of time in an airplane... wether it be read, listen to music, talk to someone, watch a movie, or do a crossword.
4) I would always rather listen to music in the car then talk to someone either next to me or on the phone.
5) I eat sandwiches by taking bites in a line from right to left.
TAG!: Josh, Lorinda, Miranda, Raegan, Robby.
|
|
| Why do I shake like a leaf? |
[26 Nov 2005|12:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pensive |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the gears in my head |
] |
I wait outside Bahama Breeze,
You sit at a stalemate in a traffic disease,
And I'm shaking like a leaf
While I slobber slack-jawed
To an old friend from the Midwest
Who defeats my consciousness of the cold.
I sit inside Bahama Breeze,
Smoking section without a Camel
And wait and wait and realize
You're inebriated and fumbling through gears
and Red Lights to find your way here
To spend time and buy me dinner.
You walk inside Bahama Breeze,
Following you friend, the drag queen,
Who is different than I in many ways.
Your eyelids fight to stay alert
And you lean the bulk of your weight on me
So I am uncomfortable as I usually am.
I storm away from Bahama Breeze,
And I'm shaking like a leaf.
But the cold is of no concern.
You are pestilence and pride to me,
And nothing more,
So the chances I've given are frozen
In the neon that makes me scream.
|
|
| Hrm |
[09 Nov 2005|01:54am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Dead or Alive - You Spin Me Round |
] |
I have a new and completely unhealthy obsession with Pete Burns from Dead or Alive.
Pete Burns before all the cosmetic surgery:
The gorgeous hunk of man now:
God I could just eat him up. I saw their NEW video for the newly redone "You Spin Me Round" at Krave last night and I couldn't stop staring at the screen.
I'm totally getting my lips done as soon as I can afford it... don't worry, not THAT big, but bigger. And I want my nose done too.
Personally, I think you have one life to live and you should do what you want with it (within reason, of course). It's my face, it's my body, if I want to change it I will. Of course he looks crazy, but I think there's something beautiful about it. He's living artwork to me... he's just a creative genius. I don't want to be like him, I don't want to look like him, but because he's taken his face to such an extreme measure in the persuit of what he believes is beauty, I've realized that we all have that absolute power. If you feel you have no power over anything else in this world, at least you have power over yourself.
I told trent I want cosmetic surgery and he was pretty against it. Ya know, the know "You're beautiful, you don't need to change anything about yourself." But it's not about need. It's about the fact that I can and that I want to. I may be attractive or whatever, but I still think I look like everybody else, and anyone who really knows me should know that that fucking bothers me.
Anyway, I won't be able to afford all that for like 2 years so I could change my mind by then, but I want to be something different. I don't want to leave my mark on the world, I want to beat it into submission so it can never forget me. Dream big or don't dream at all, that should be everyone's motto. And I intend to live it.
Love you til then-
+Hayden
|
|
| Letter to myself |
[03 Nov 2005|07:34pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Green Children - Lost You |
] |
Hayden,
What is wrong with you... really. I mean, things are not wrong. Things are right, things are good, and you are just as happy as you ought to be. You don't deserve better or more, you deserve what you had because it was just about as good as it gets. Of course things with you and Trent were hard at times. He's jealous, he's clingy, but he loves you more than anything. For god's sake, he wanted to kill himself literally when you broke up with him. He thought of packing up and moving back to Oklahoma last night because he didn't want to be here without you.
Seeing this, you should know now that no matter what happens, no matter what is said or done, he wants to be with you more than anything and would do anything in his power to make you happy. If you can't appreciate that, then you are a complete idiot.
Yes, you were immeasurably happy with Brian... but did you two have any sort of good sex life? I mean it may sound petty, especially with the fact that you're not a big "sex person" anyway, but that says something. You were both very happy with each other, he bought you things and took care of you, but he's not ready to have a relationship, and after your talk last night, you said yourself that you don't even know if he'll EVER be ready for one. Not any sort of serious one, at least. While he is still working as Shannel, that will always be his first priority.
Trent is simple... he just wants to work and make good money to have nice things, to take care of you, and to be able to live the life he wants to live. The life that he wants for the both of you. Since this break up or "time to think" you have instituted, you've thought of nothing but Trent. You're not sorting things out with Brian, you're not trying to get back together with him, you're wishing you were with Trent every minute. You wish you could make plans to go do something, spend time, have fun and talk to him... because you love him.
It's time to wake the fuck up and stop with this selfish bullshit. You know you want to be with him as much as he wants to be with you and you're only lying to yourself if you think he's getting in the way of anything in your life. It's time to sit down with him and tell him what you really want, no holds barred, don't keep anything in. You've already devistated him by basically making it seem like you two are "over", now you can tell him to take it or leave it and if he really wants to be with you as much as he claims, he'll have no problem complying. You need your space when you need it, you need him to be supportive when you have things to do and accomplish to make money or better yourself, he needs to respect the fact that you have a lot of wonderful friends that you may sometimes want some quality one-on-one time with, and does all that really seem too demanding? You could ask anyone and they'd all tell you no.
So give it a few more days, really be sure that you want to be with him and you're not just having temporary sympathy pains for him. If he does as you've asked and called in 2 or 3 days, then that should be the time to give him your verdict. And it should give you enough time to come up with the right one.
Good luck, be careful, and think long and hard.
With love,
Hayden
|
|
| The trouble with love |
[01 Nov 2005|05:29am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ashley Simpson - Say Goodbye |
] |
How is it
That I can't keep anything I want
Not because I ruin it
Or lose it along the way.
But because my heart can never decide
And when I find a better ride
I take it.
I was fine,
We were happy and healthy and functioning
And you took it away
By claiming a lack in
"Quality time",
And broke a heart of stone.
Threw me to the side and went along
Better off alone.
My tears dried,
And eventually I moved along
And found a way to be okay.
There was another who gave of himself
And told me he'd hold me
And take care to never see me lonely
Forever and always.
And here you are,
To make me realize you still have my heart.
To fill my head with the idea
That we may still have a fighting chance.
And that he and I should not remain
For to fight and strain to be loved is not worth it
When the simplest love
Is at my door.
I must decide
To say goodbye or to see this through.
When I can not say a word
Or see the signs just in front of my nose.
Tell me again what you told me that night
When we stood backstage,
When I held your microphone hand.
That must have been the last time you told me
You loved me.
|
|
| Hayden Needs... |
[24 Oct 2005|11:39pm] |
The Rules:
First go to google, then type in "[your name] needs" except replace [your name] with your actual first name, and put the whole phrase in quotations then hit enter and copy down the first five things that pop up:
1. "Hayden needs a day - and night - off." (damn fuckin right)
2. "What Hayden needs most is a happy rested mother."
3. "Hayden needs a Ducati?" (minus the question mark)
4. "Hayden needs 42 runs to complete is 1000 runs in the calendar year."
5. "Hayden needs to get a more supportive tank top." (I heartily agree)
This shit is great :)
|
|
| The Blonde's Ambition |
[09 Oct 2005|10:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
and beyond |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tori Amos - Cool on your Island [live] |
] |
you ride me like a horse
so back and forth
i stop to munch grass
and you tug the reigns
i wait in this hate
for the real western rains
but the wind is just blowing
and there's no way of knowing
if the glowing your showing
is real or a lie
saddle up straight
but wear your soft boots
you instist that
you ride me like a whorse.
|
|
| I'm leaving Las Vegas |
[09 Sep 2005|06:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 asian |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Madonna - Human Nature |
] |
Yes, in just a few hours I'll be on my way to VACATION!! Sure it's ROckford and it sucks there and it's not like "fun in the sun, party party party, rollercoasters and cotton candy", but it IS a week of a work AND drag AND I get to see my Josherz which rocks the socks of course. AND I get to sorta re-meet my brother Breyen after 11 years. So that's very exciting.
So yes, I haven't gone to bed yet. I called in sick to work because Trent convinced me to stay over last night and I couldn't get my ass out of bed and then HE called in sick and then I was just thinking of how little time I would have to pack and do everything I needed to do if I went to work all day and then went back for Lipp Sync at night... so I called in. I went home, did my laundry, packed my clothes, then Trent came over and did his laundry cuz he didn't wanna sit in the laundry facility for hours, and we watched Kathy Griffin and ate Panda. Mmmmmm, panda.
Now I'm burning a travel CD and drinking some coffee before I hop in the shower. Then all that's left is to get myself all presentable and pack up the bathroom shizzle and I can be on my way by 8:30. Midwest, here we come!!!!
Oh, and I'm taking my brother's camera along for the ride, so the pictures will be bountiful :) Yeah, just like the paper towels!
Love you til then-
+Hayden
P.S> I-Tunes just put Madonna's whole catelog online so I went a little crazy... had to have the goods for my travel CD!!!
|
|
| Attention to Satisfaction in 5 Easy Steps |
[29 Aug 2005|02:31am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Fiona - Oh Sailor |
] |
It's the strangest thing. All of a sudden I've become a very popular boy with the boys. And it's freaking me out... what to do? And do I even have time to do anything? I'm working my ass off for the next 3 months to get some sort of financial stability before embarking on a year of cosmetology school so I can get licensed and in the field. That paired with still working 3-4 nights a week at Mary's AND doing trivia on Wednesday AND competing in the Miss Gay Youth Pride pagaent in July... I'm going to be helluva busy for the next 15 months or so.
So why even try to have a relationship as well? What's the use?
Hmm, because I'm a hopeless (or hopeful?) romantic, I guess. Tonight I had a lot of time to think at work... to think about "the Nancies". No, I'm not referring to the little fags running around Marys, I'm talking about the two cooks, Nancy and Nancy. Little Nancy was working a double shift because she didn't want Big Nancy to have to close by herself.
These two women are older... at least in their forties, and are the cutest couple you've ever seen. I'll be the first to admit that, under most circumstances, I have a huge problem with lesbians. Not to generalize, but most of my experiences with them at the restaurant have shown me that they are rude, loud, demanding, and unappreciative. The bitch and nag about everything and then STILL don't tip. There are very few lesbians I actually like, but those ones I LOVE!
Such as the Nancies. It was the strangest thing. "Big Nancy" has been a cook at mary's since I started and long before. She's always been single, as far as I knew, but one day we were talking on our smoke break and she had found someone, also named Nancy, that she could stop raving about. She was definitely smitten.
"Little Nancy" started working at Mary's shortly after and since then, the magic of the relationship has touched a lot of us. After being together a very short time they bought a house together from a friend. They've been living together quite a while and their happiness only seems to grow. They never bicker, never fight, and would do anything for each other. I couldn't even imagine either one looking at another woman.
Bottom line: i want that. But I haven't been able to find anyone to give that to me yet. Sometimes I just want to fall completely head over heels and spend all kinds of time with someone, say "fuck it" and move in together, wake up next to each other every morning and just have that be the end of it. Screw all this dating bullshit, I want to focus on building a strong relationship with someone. With ONE person. I don't like "shopping around", it feels pointless. When will that prince charming night in shining armor man of my dreams show up and sweep me off my feet?
*sigh*
Well whatever, I'm in no hurry. I have no fear that I'll find someone. I know I'm a good, beautiful person and someday I'll find that perfect connection and everything will be a "happily ever after".
Love you til then-
+Hayden
|
|
|
[27 Aug 2005|03:47am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ben Folds - Fred Jones Pt.2 |
] |
Goddamnit, why can't i decide on wether or not to perform when I go to Rockford!?!?! I mean, personally there are no cons that are enough to completely kill the idea... but I'm trying to decide if there are enough good pros to make me do it. It's list time!
1) 21+ year old friends from home get to see me perform.
2) Other 21+ Rockfordians get to see what REAL drag should look like.
3) The look on some tired queens' faces when I blow them out of the water.
4) Because what I'll bring to the table will most-likely be much better than what these folks are used to, tips should be good.
5) Name exposure.
6) Umm... I like performing, isn't that enough?
And I was thinking on the way home from work about packing. I mean, I'd just have to forego doing the robot number. so hypothetically I could get everything in my big suitcase... costumes, hair, and make-up. BUT do I want to use my big suitcase for that and use my small one for my everyday shit? OR perhaps I can use my brothers big suitcase for my stuff... I dunno, this is hard.
Feedback MUCH appreciated. I just can't make this decision on my own!!!
Josh, I need the number for your sugar-daddy/the owner of The Office :-D
Love you til then-
+Hayden
|
|
| Suck my dick, lick my ass |
[26 Aug 2005|05:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
achey |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tori Amos - Take to the Sky |
] |
Last night was the Lipp Sync contest finals. Surprisingly we had a huge turnout of both audience members and contestants. 7 of the 8 finalists showed up so we all had to cram our asses into the now TINY dressing room. But we made it work, even with LA's massive Ursula costume. Thank god that bitch went first!
Anyway, so it all started at Jewdi's house. I came over to paint with her. I got there at about 8:50, giving ourselves about an hour and 1/2 which should've been enough time... but I didn't realize I was going to have help her out as well as do my own make-up. Normally I don't think I would have had to do much of anything because she knows how to do make-up, but her idea for her number was very specific. Anyway, we had tons of problems and snaffu's cuz she was trying to rush shit and anyway, long-story-short, we didn't leave the apartment until 11:15!
So we got to Mary's in pretty good time and got all our shit set up, drew numbers and I went 4th, so I had time to relax a bit.
I did my candy mix (Robby's favorite) and totally beat the shit out of it. I worked it so hard I was totally unable to breath when I got offstage. I haven't had that kind of a performance since competing dance with Midwest Movement. It was a nice feeling... made me feel like I did a good job and had a chance.
BUT, in the end, I only got 3rd place. Howver, only 15 points seperated 1st and 3rd place. Which in a way is nice... to know that I was that close to winning and got such a good score. However, on the other hand, 15 fucking points is all that seperated me from $500. Grrrr... oh well, there's always next time.
In other news, the "one other drag queen that I would date" was totally hitting on my last night. His drag name is Symbol, I think his real name is Trey, and he did Michael Jackson last night at finals (which is phenominal... younger 'still a black boy' Michael.) Looks and moves just like him. He said "I love boys who dress in drag"... I got a little excited.
Anyway, I have to work at 7. Drag It Out! better be good tonight or I'll be pissed.
Love you til then-
+Hayden
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
bored
